An Epistle to Rt Hon Douglas Alexander
An Epistle to Rt Hon Douglas Alexander, A Self-Styled Internationalist after His Speech in Dundee
Politics is seeing, or choosing to see, things differently. There’s a lot in what Douglas Alexander said that I’d agree with, but I’ve got some quibbles: Dougie’s Scotland is a wee part of a bigger UK. The UK is Dougie’s country, it’s honourable, but in it Scotland is dependant: financially, politically and culturally. Dougie’s Scotland is made mute and has someone else’s words spoken to the world on her behalf. Dougie’s Scotland has no choice but to go to war at someone else’s command. To quantify a’ her ails, Dougie’s Scotland is a sick poverty-ridden incontinent class-ridden cancer-infested booze-quaffing sectarian-laced immigrant-hating intolerant subservient shell, with chic aspirations of a better place sometime in the future on the coattails of the Dinner Suit and in the shadow of the brim of a bowler hat.
My Scotland isn’t. My Scotland is paramount in every decision that my Scotland makes. My Scotland doesn’t wait for orders. My Scotland is fair and far more internationalist than ever the English Daily Mail class will allow the UK to be.
Dougie’s Internationalism is amoral and a Machiavellian trick. It is regulated by, and constrained within, his beloved border posts at Dover and Felixstowe and Hull: great muckle walls a thousand times higher than the walls of Jericho and they are trumpet-proof to their foundations; foundations made of arrogant aggregate and the driest caustic cement, mixed with the angriest of Home County limes.
And we who choose to live in Scotland, we who are not allowed to build walls or demolish them, we Scots immigrants who currently have no choice when children born in the world are dragged to Dungavel at dawn, shipped down to Smithfield like the traitor Wallace, then hung oot to dry before being drawn to export to the four quarters of the world. We are made silent.
I want to think, that post #indyref, the Berwickshire coast will have no walls or foundations, but a welcoming red carpet to take Scotland’s population to 15 million and make us the fastest growing, most exciting cosmopolitan international country in the world. But my thoughts are always scatty and un-linear so don’t expect me to further this argument, and anyway fret ye not o’er giant Scottish walls – the concrete mix of Dover is not readily available at Builders’ Merchants in Scotland so any construction will be eye-level at maximum height, and non-toxic.
But while we trust ourselves, to hide our shame, in Dougie’s Union, the Scottish outlook on the world is not our own, and the world’s view of Scotland is force-channelled along the M2 in Kent. All thanks to the Rt Hon D Alexander Esq and his London Poker Club of migrating birds: a noisy cackling bastardised rookery where Labour/Tory/LibDem/UKIP Internationalistes Avec Des Frontières can prune and delouse far from normality and decency. And far from repercussion.